The other night my partner and I were talking. He said how did you get so good at dreaming?
And I realized…
That when I was a kid, I was scapegoated and trapped. But I could dream. So I dreamed as hard as I could.
How do you know if you were scapegoated?
I listened to the Back from the Borderline podcast, and got some answers in a 3 part series that Molly Adler did on the research work of Rebecca Mandeville, who coined the term Family Scapegoating Abuse.
Questions to see if you were a scapegoat in your family:
Were you not truly nurtured?
Were there addicts, neglect in your family?
Parent neglected and abused you?
YOU are the cause of all the drama
Fantasize about running away? Didn’t belong, wanted to escape?
Gaslighting? Feelings denied or shoved off or attacked?
Drift off into fantasies wishing someone would rescue you? Real parents?
Did you feel like your parents were invalidating of your needs and emotions?
Did you feel like parents singled you out and treated you differently?
Did you fantasize about being able to disappear so you could no longer be subject to their disdain?
Did you feel like one of your parents didn’t like you? Couldn’t stand having you around?
For the full quiz please visit: https://scapegoatrecovery.com
Used with permission from Rebecca C. Mandeville, LMFT, CCTP. All Rights Reserved
At the age of 8 I realized I would have to live 10 more years with this scapegoat situation, and I decided I was going to get out, and simply LIVE. I was going to talk with my friends on the phone. I was going to have my own clean, quiet place where no one could come in.