Our sector is dying
I think about our nonprofit sector and I feel like it is dying.
We are watching a civilization flicker, with endless wars, climate collapse, and ongoing COVID, and so many of our orgs are not addressing this, or trying to “get back to normal.”
And that’s why it needs to die. It refuses to recognize how it is complicit in the system. It refuses to recognize our humanity.
Even though we have poured our lives into it.
Maybe you put your heart and soul into your work, and they devour you.
We have a nonprofit industrial complex with foundations hoarding wealth. They need to give it back to the Global south.
We have individuals with billions who are hoarding and need to give it back.
We need to give it all back.
In accepting grief, we start to accept ambiguous loss. We start to accept the things that aren’t working anymore.
And work to reclaim our humanity in a system that does not support us.
We need to look beyond traditional fundraising, and “business as usual” to find new ways of existing that help us sit with our grief.
- Our grief about climate collapse.
- Our grief about COVID and how many it has stolen from us.
- Our grief about our government leaders not supporting us to stay well, or stay housed.
- Our grief in looking for community and found family in our organizations, and realizing they are hostage to the same systems we are fighting against.
If you want to learn how we are moving beyond fundraising, into resource mobilization, and wealth reclamation, check out WRAP and TRC
Wealth Reclamation Academy of Practitioners is having gatherings helping fundraisers advocate to funders to give their wealth back
Transition Resource Circle is working on educating funders to give their wealth back, and they also have a book, Post-Capitalist Philanthropy, that I am looking forward to reading.
Why do we not hold space for grief?
Because our society is an altar to capitalism. And capitalism wants us to believe that we can buy our grief away.
So much of our culture is invested in resisting the idea of death, the thought of this mystical mysterious process happening and everything inside of us coming to an end.
You can look at superhero movies, how the hero goes immediately from grief to anger, to a killing rage. This is the emotional model we are being taught. Grief makes you soft. Grief is not as important as revenge.
But what if that’s not true?
Grief is love with nowhere to go.
In My Grief Era
I guess I’m in my grief era. Are you in your grief era too?
What does that look like for you?
Here’s what it looks like for me.
- I’m practicing sitting with grief about Aaron these days.
- Listening to some tibetan throat singing and feeling like so much of what I strived for was meaningless.
- I’ve got some of his ashes now and I got a glass artist to put them into a necklace so I can always have him with me.
- I’ve been talking with him lately, telling him what I’m thinking. Asking him how he could leave.
What have I been doing?
- I’ve been doing things that he didn’t have a chance to do.
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- Going to the Japanese Gardens in Portland with my grandparents.
- Going to the dahlia fest and giving the Dahlias away to my friends Gloria and Irene
- Going to the coast with my partner. I painted a rock and left it there on the beach for him. I wrote his name over and over again on the sides of the rock. Just to feel him with me a little bit.
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- Going to Atlanta to see my friend Deneisha.
- Meeting up with his friends from California and Oregon just to grieve together.
- Going to the aquarium, being amazed by the jellyfish, and drawing a picture of the jellyfish
We don’t know how much time we have. And my brother just ran out of time.
And just remember-if you’re in your grief era too, it’s not just you.
Don’t hide it. Share it, let us know how you feel.
We need more people to let their sadness and grief show.
It helps everyone else be a little more gentle with each other. It helps us hold space for our own humanness, and other people’s humanity too.
The temptation is to harden, but right now, we need to soften. Soften into grief.
Soften into our truths, and saying them with safe people- I’m scared. I don’t know what happens next.
Sending you some big, big love. Hugs!
“Grief is love with nowhere to go.” This REALLY resonates. Thank you ♥️
This was absolutely lovely. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us!
Your reflections on the state of the nonprofit sector and the collective grief we carry resonate deeply. Your portrayal of our society as an altar to capitalism, where grief is often suppressed or commodified, is a stark and painful truth.
It’s evident that you’ve navigated personal loss, engaging with grief in ways that honor the memory of Aaron. Your acts of remembrance, visiting places he couldn’t, cherishing moments, and creating tangible connections with his memory through art and shared experiences are profoundly touching.
Your call for a shift from traditional fundraising to wealth reclamation and resource mobilization is thought-provoking. Reassessing the systems that perpetuate inequalities, encouraging philanthropists and organizations to give back, and acknowledging the systemic issues intertwined with the nonprofit sector are crucial steps toward change.
Allowing ourselves to sit with grief is indeed a form of reclaiming our humanity. It’s not weakness but a testament to our capacity to love and the depth of our emotional experiences. Your courage in expressing vulnerability and inviting others to do the same is commendable.
In a world where vulnerability is often seen as a liability, your message to soften into our truths, to acknowledge our fears and uncertainties, is a beacon of empathy and understanding. It’s a reminder that in embracing our shared grief, we create space for compassion and connection.
Thank you for sharing your heartfelt reflections. Your voice adds depth to the discourse on grief, societal structures, and the need for collective empathy.